"This isn't a joke! This is not a ****ing joke!! What the hell are you doing?!" I yell at myself as my sanity seems to be slipping away... —— Previously —— Tears stream down my face as I bite my lower lip in a failed attempt to stop myself from crying. The alarm clock on the bedside table reads 2:35 am as I look up, rising my head which was buried in a pillow while I lay in bed crumbled into a ball. I just couldn't stop crying. (Why the hell does it hurt so bad?!) I yelled inwardly. (Why am I being like this? Just why?! Look at those people who love you. They would do anything just to see you smile for once. Think about your parents. Just because they caught you crying once they even allowed you to have a cat even when they hate cats! And you..... Who the **** are you crying for?! Someone who didn't even care about your feelings at all! Stop this you stupid loser!) I'm so disappointed in myself. But none of these are helping. I'm mad at myself for being stupid. Even after I knew something like this could happen, I didn't resist! I got involved in something I should have strictly avoided at all costs. I couldn't protect myself from this pain. I let this happen to myself. I desperately want to stop myself from sobbing. A part of me yells at me to stop but a part of me just can't stop and feels like some other part of me is consoling me saying everyone makes mistakes and we should learn from it rather than dwelling on it or blaming ourselves while a toxic part of me is constantly blaming me, calling me weak and stupid, telling me I failed her..... I'm finding it hard to maintain my sanity...It feels like there's a war inside of me among my different selves. Each of my cells had become poison for each other. It's total chaos in my head. I bury my head in the pillow again as I muffle my sorrowful sobs. “I'm sick and tired of everything! I hate everything! I don't wanna be here anymore! I've had enough!” I yell inwardly as I cry hysterically. “Will this ever end? I'm tired... And I can't let my parents see me like this. They'll be heartbroken if they saw...... I'm so sick and tired of this. I want to sleep but I just can't........” I started to feel numb now. I couldn't make head or tail of anything anymore... Sob... Sob... (What the... Did I just hear someone cry?) I ask. (But it couldn't be me. I just stopped. And there can't be anyone else in this room. I must be hearing things) I decided to sit up in bed and look around for the source. Then I see myself sitting in the corner and crying. I usually sit in that corner when I cry...... And now she started sobbing loudly....... ——— Present ——— “I must be insane. Now I'm seeing things too!” Too..too...too...too... (Why is my voice echoing?! And when did it get so dark? I'm sure the night lamp on my bedside table was on. Also, I can't see my alarm clock either. T-that girl..... She can't be me... I'm standing so it's not a reflection either. I'm seeing myself without a mirror or is it someone else? Who's she?) Her sobs got louder than before to the point it feels like my ears are about to burst. I don't know why but I decided to be brave and talk to her. “Who are you?” she stopped instantly as I asked. Now it's quiet, quieter than usual. And I can hear my own heart beat. A few minutes had passed... Still quiet... But I wasn't able to gather the courage to speak. (I need to ask her again I guess... But I'm scared... Being scared and quiet won't help though..... ) I was staring at her as I was thinking this and she just lifted up her head and started stared back at me. (T-this can't be..... She... Looks exactly like me.....) Both of us were silent until she started laughing like a maniac. (This is getting on my nerves. I know I'm a psycho but, what is the meaning of this?! It's starting to piss me off! ) I was about to yell at her but she started sobbing again..... (What should I do now?) I'm perplexed as she started to laugh again... “Stop it already! Just who are you?! And where are we?!” she starts crying again. (I can feel that I'm slowly losing my sanity. I have to put an end to this.) While I was drowning in my own thoughts she stood up and came to me with a blink of an eye and I could see a knife in her hand..... (I should have been scared but why do I feel..... Happy? Actually, I always wanted to stab myself to death as I was sick and tired of everything. But I never thought it would be like this. Whatever. I'm happy.) I thought as she started stabbing me... Blood started to gush out... (So peaceful...) I smiled as I thought that. — A few days later in a park — “Did you see the news?!” a girl petting a stray cat in her lap asked excitedly to her friend sitting on the bench beside her who was reading a book. “What news?” she asked ignorantly not taking her eyes off of the book. “The news about the girl who was found dead in her room. She stabbed herself to death.” She pouted at her ignorant friend. “Oh. Now I remember. She was killed. The police found the knife in her hands but the post mortem report says she was stabbed by someone else. But there's a thing that puzzles me a bit.” she said as she looked up from her book. “Oh. So you know. But what is it that puzzles you?” “There was something written on the wall with blood.” “What?” “Aren't you glad that she's dead?” “Huh? What's that supposed to mean?” the girl tilted her head nonchalantly as she kept petting the cat on her lap. “I don't know. Let it be.” she looked back at the book ignorantly.