You know something’s up when you’re having more fun at a carnival than your kid. “Are you and Mommy getting a divorce?” Randy asks me suddenly, breaking his distracted silence. I sigh. Since he’s figured out this much, I decide not to patronise the child. "Yes...yes we are, sport. But-” "Who am I gonna live with?” Randy cries miserably as attendees pass by. “I don't wanna have to choose!" I’m about to calm my son’s fears when I hear a familiar nasal voice call out from behind us. My stomach drops as I turn to see my ex storming across the fairgrounds, completely livid. “Oh, come on Kelly, it’s my weekend with him!” I protest. “I told you explicitly not to take him here!” Kelly rants furiously. “The last thing poor Randy needs is to dislocate his arm again on one of these faulty rides.” “The last thing he needs is to be shut inside doing his times tables on a beautiful day.” “I should have known you’d be feeding him all this rubbish. Give the cotton candy to me, sweetie, don’t eat tha-” “See, this is exactly why I’m divorcing you! You neurotic, harpy bi-” The plop of cotton candy hitting concrete snaps me back to the present. Kelly and I turn our heads just in time to see a tear-stricken Randy disappearing into the crowd. “Randy, come back!” shrieks Kelly in panic. “Charles, I swear, if anything happens to that boy…” Together, we pore over the crowds for the next hour, pulling aside every child in the hopes of seeing Randy. Just as Kelly is about to call the police, we pass by a photobooth attraction hidden in the back of the grounds. The text I see on the marquee nearly makes me faint. Meet You, In Two! Ever wish you could be two places at once? Well, with the help of our mysterious flex-dualopitor, splitting your time is as simple as one, two, YOU! (Warning: Not for use by children.) Before either of us can process the horrifying information we’ve just read, the curtain on the booth begins to open. The silhouettes of two boys appear in front of us, completely equal to Randy in height and build. But, as the smoke clears, we learn...they’re anything but identical. "Mommy, I'd like to go home, I have homework due tomorrow” calmly announces the one of the left, sauntering to Kelly. "Daddy, this place is awesome! I wanna ride the coaster again!" gleefully shouts the one of the right, wrapping me in a bear hug. Beside me, Kelly starts to sob. "I-it's okay" I respond, shakily hoisting my boy into my arms. "W-we’ll be okay. Isn’t th-that right, buddy?” They always say that nobody gets exactly what they want in a divorce. Still, I can’t help but wish I'd gotten the son with skin.