i f*cking hate my life. I hate my mother, my father, my whole f*cking family. My mother drinks alot and gets drunk all the time, and shes the devil when shes drunk. Im fifteen and ive been dealing with this for about fourteen years. Shes always verbally abusing me. Calling me all these names, hitting me, putting me down, making me feel bad, but then she has the nerve to tell me im beautiful, smart and she loves me. She calls me dumbass, stupid, ugly, fatass, retarded, bastard, all these tyoes of names and her personal favorite is *****. She constantly calls me it. My father isnt any better. He sits there and just teases, and provokes you when your already upset, and when you get mad at him, your the bad guy. At school lb ionly have two close friends. Everyone else doesnt rlly like me because im too quiet, but the onky reason im quiet is because of my parents. I have a little sister who is seven now. Shes a brat. She gets whatever she wants, and they always believe her. If i tell her no to anything, she'll tell im being mean to her and ill get punished. The stuff my mom does and says can be counted as child abuse i guess. At school people call me the same names as my mom and i get panick attacks alot. When my mom is sober, shes always right. If you correct her she'll get mad and ill get punished. I started cutting kyself in various places. Never to suicude, just to distract myself. I dont like the quiet or the dark because my parents would tend to lock me in my room with nothing. No electricity whatsoever. I hsd to stop cutting myself on my writ top sts because people noticed at school and started to rlly avoid me and call me a freak and stuff. I like writing and imagining because it takes me to a different place and lets me think. If im being honest, im probably the fakest person i know. I hide my feelings from my parents because if i open up to them theyll think im weird and need help. At school i act like nothings wrong at school because for some reason i still have love for my horrible parents. My mom is always right know matter what in my house so its best to not have an opinion. My friends try to comfort me alot but i just feel trapped. Theres nothing i can do to get me physically out of my situation. Im really weak, and emotional, and soft, and every bad trait you can think of. Sometimes i wonder if i in should just leave. I kean like honestly, whos it going to bother? My osrents already threatened to send me away, and i only have teo friends and theyll do much better without me. There fun, cool, nice, smart, pretty, and im just holding them back. I found out i was bisexual about three months ago, but i cant say anything to anyone in my family about it. They'll say im nasty or im strange or theres something wrong with me. My other family are really fake to. They'll smile in your face, but talk about you to the next. I got used to it. being as steange as i am, you'll have alot of people talking about you. Ive got many compiments of people calling me pretty, cute, and beautiful, but thats only one good thing. Im tired of life and by this point, im running out of unnoticeable places to cut myself. I even broke ky hand three times from rage punching the wall. Anyways, just wanted to explain to you guys if i ever just stop writing. Ill probably be gone but its okay! You wont even nm iss or remember me☺

I know there are many others who have worst pain then me but i judt wanted someone to listen before i do go. I cried to much snd suffered to much pain. By bye💙

Story is told by Vanna J


Plz tell me you're not committing suicide I want to do that 😭


I love the optimism!